What have we become

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a news buff. I have to know whats going on in the world. Call me a masochist but I don't care. Good news bad news it doesn't matter I need to know. People also know that I have been around the world and seen many of the worst things that this life can do to people (I admit I haven't been to Africa or seen the emperor penguins in the arctic) but nothing could have prepared me for the article that I read the other day on FoxNews.com. Here it is in all its glory. Read along with me and we can discuss it later.

Rescue Planned for Woman Trapped in Home by Giant Pig
Tuesday, September 23,

A huge pig called Bruce has trapped a terrified woman in her home in Australia.
Caroline Hayes, 63, tried to leave her house in Uki, New South Wales, to use the outdoor toilet, but the animal bit her and shoved her back inside.
Bruce, who is the size of a Shetland pony, showed up at her home 10 days ago after his owners were unable to cope with him and let him loose in the rain forest.
Hayes began feeding the beast, but he became more aggressive, demanding more food and biting her on the leg when she tried to go to the toilet.
Local rangers tried to rescue her but could not capture the huge animal.
The case has now been handed over to the Rural Lands Protection Board (RLPB), who have promised not to put the animal down.
Hayes told how she took pity on the beast, but it soon took over her home.
"When I found it, it had 15 ticks in its eyes which I actually took out," she said.
"One of its eyes it couldn't see out of, so I put cream in it, but apparently it's actually claimed my land and claimed my place

"It started getting very pushy, started pushing me around, so I started to get a bit frightened, until the stage that it started knocking on my door at 4 a.m., actually head-butting my door.”

First of all we need to understand just how big "Bruce" is. below is a picture of a shetland pony with accompanying rider.

According to the greatest source of true info on the planet Wikipedia a Shetland pony grows to between 28 to 42 inches in height and about 600 pounds. This is what a 600 pound pig looks like

That's a lot of bacon. Watch out mom the pig might eat your baby.

Its a big pig. I understand that it could push you around if it tried. The thing that caught my attention first of all was how this was another battered spouse story. She states that she started feeding it and it got more aggressive and demanded more. Then she states that it has claimed her space and her land. Did it go down to the municipal building and fill out the proper permits. This is ridiculous. Then there is the final sentence "It started getting very pushy, started pushing me around, so I started to get a bit frightened, until the stage that it started knocking on my door at 4 a.m., actually head-butting my door.” This woman is retarded she is scared of a freaking pig. Honestly get a butcher knife and use it. I big stick. Heck, start cooking some bacon for breakfast and it might just get the idea. The way I see it if 600 pounds of free bacon came knocking at my door at 4 o'clock in the morning it would be next to pancakes and eggs by six. When we as human beings cannot defend ourselves against obese, pushy, smelly pigs (domesticated) then we really deserve all we get in life. In the immortal words of my father in law "its time to grow some juevos rancheros" and show the pig who's boss.

Come to think of it I think a movie has been made about this incident. Granted Hollywood has taken some theatrical liberties but I knew that I had seen this before when I read the article. To set it up I believe this is Hollywoods version of the Rangers trying to capture the pig. Here is a clip.

I Have a Dream

I have a dream that one day I will rise up off the couch and live out the days that once were found in the crags of Utah: "I hold these truths to be self-evident: that all climbs are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the white granite trad climbs of Little Cottonwood the brown quartzite sport climbs of Big Cottonwood will be able to climbed and enjoyed at the table of brotherhood in all climbing circles.

I have a dream that one day even the city of moab, a city sweltering with the heat of summer, swarming with the mosquitos of the colorado, will be transformed into an oasis of Trad routes and Bouldering.

I have a dream that my future children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the routes that thy ascend but by the quality of their climbing.
I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Indian Creek, with the vicious BLM, with its State Directors having their lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification;
one day right there in Utah, Trad climbers and sport climbers will be able to join hands with boulderers and hikers as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

My version of the Sailboat

Just a short one today people. This is my version of the magic eye pictures that Siobhan is so desperately trying to see. Now remember Siobhan, don't focus just relax and look into the greenness.

Behold the Cheesus

You don't have to go far from your front porch to know that this world is spinning out of control. Every day there are random murders, inflation, foreclosures, drug abuse and a sure sign of things to come my in-laws have a dog that is afraid of their cat. Heck, this world is so bad my old next door neighbor had a dachshund (doxin for those of you that don't speak German) that was afraid of the outside of their apartment. They would bring it out to go on a walk and it would turn around and try to get back inside. Crazy you think. No, it was smart. Animals can always sense danger before humans. I missed a few days of work just because I would watch this small dog turn around and go back inside. I figured if the world was too bad for him on this day (all he has to do is eat, sleep and lick his butt) it must be too bad for me.

So where is one to turn in these troubled times of darkness. Who can we rely on for help to save us from the wickedness that has enveloped us. I bring you "The Cheesus."

Apparently a youth minister at Memorial Drive United Methodist Church in Texas found "The Cheesus" whilst rummaging for some tasty snacks. Just before his head was bitten off the likeness was found and now instead of winding up in the muck of the local septic refinery he now resides in a small glass box on the bookshelf. On second though maybe we shouldn't turn to this in times of need. I seem to remember a little known commandment that states "thou shalt have no other Gods before me." Alas "The Cheesus will fade into history just like "Mother Mary in Toast" or hopefully someone will come to their senses and help it fulfill the purpose of why God created it at eat it. Hopefully with its Deity like visual qualities it will fill your mouth with extra tastiness. Unless of course it is too old in which it will probably taste like a stale used sock. I think I'm going to go find something to eat. Talk to you later

No sooner than I start that I find this...

Taken from the official website of Lunesta

"Until you know how you'll react to Lunesta, you should not drive or operate machinery. Do not take Lunesta with alcohol. Call your doctor right away if after taking Lunesta you walk, drive, eat or engage in other activities while asleep."

I would like to point your attention to the last part of this disclaimer that states if you WALK, DRIVE, EAT OR ENGAGE IN OTHER ACTIVITIES (eating brains, moaning, senseless killing) WHILE ASLEEP you should talk to your doctor. I think I've seen this movie before, its called resident evil. This is proof that drug companies are secretly turning us into Zombies during the dark hours of the night. Free to roam the streets feeding on unsuspecting teenagers, dogs, cats, etc. My in-laws have "coyotes" in their back yard that keep feeding on the neighborhood pets yet no coyote has been trapped to date. My mother in law has been telling us how she has been sleeping so well lately. I think we should check her medicine cabinet for some little blue pills. In the mean time I'm sleeping with a chain saw under my bed.

The Evolution of Man

I don't think an introduction is necessary. If you want to know who I am you may go to my wife's blog at theadventuresofbb.blogspot.com. She has it all there and she makes me sound much better than I really am. Except maybe the post where she rats me out to the public about being born a bat. Check it out. Its pretty funny.


So on with whats important. What is this blog going to be about. Me of course. However, my life, at least to me isn't interesting enough to create an entire blog so I will mix it up with the strange happenings of the world and hopefully I can come up with something useful to write. Snippets of me and the world we live in. That's what you will find here. So with my first post I leave you a picture on my theory of the "evolution of man." That said, I'm going to go find something to eat. I'll see you later